With the hysteria of last minute attack campaigns and questionable polling, I figure there's a lot we learned in this last election.
Well, ok, so I figure there's a lot to make fun of. I mean, come on - take a friggin' joke. I don't have an agenda, OK?!
Anyhow, the one thing people didn't see coming was "faith-based issues" as the gravitas to steer a victory for Bush. BAMM! Who'd have thought Kerry's loose position on abortion and gay rights would have clinched Bush's evangelical image?
That's a lotta' red
In the end, the map above is what you're left with. That mass of red is actually 51% of America. Looks like more, but that's really you're "heartland" of America. Sure, they don't butter their bread like some "city folks" do, and maybe their ways seem different than that go-gettum', disco-music generation. But, they still have values (fortunately for Bush, justifiable foreign policy isn't one of them).
Probably the funniest statistic out of the Democratic camp is the voter results in Washington D.C.: 90% of the people around D.C. voted for Kerry. Victory or not, when the town you work in is clearly telling you to move out, you should at least throw a house party, or maybe have some sort of Presidential "kegger" to quell the bad vibes.
So what happened?
So, even though it was clear Bush had a run for his money, and it was clear people were looking for something out of the Kerry camp that showed promise, what did or didn't people see?
For starters, Teresa Heinz-Kerry. Big shocker, I know, but marrying an ultra-rich billionaire doesn't promise you a sweet, Betty Crocker disposition. Honestly, I almost admire Kerry's marital endurance more than his 120 days in Vietnam. Personally, no amount of money is worth that.
Second, let's face it: he could buy a work jacket, hunt ducks, or even do a drive-by, and he still looks "preppy". George W. Bush was raised in a rich Connecticut family, but the minute he slaughters the English language with that Texan drawl, you want to follow him in prayer. Kerry's New England "air" just can't be shaked - he just resembles "the man" way too much.
Third, his campaign went from positive to negative overnight, with little nuance in between. He went from rolling over and letting paid veterans vandalize his record to blaming Bush for the economy, ozone depletion and breaking up of the Spice Girls. This new offensive tactic became apparent during the last two debates, where Kerry essentially started each response with, "the President has mislead you." OK John, we get it. Move on.
Finally, when making that jump to an alternate candidate (and many people were ready to do so), the jump has to be appealing and safe. You have to know you're new candidate, and have a good feel. Unfortunately, this is where nuances fall short. Opposing the Iraqi war... well, is a Herculean task. It's funny, because you'd think it's almost as hard to justify, but we're already past that, and since the American attention span is 30 minutes, the burden was on the John's. And somehow, 120 days in Vietnam is not a valid basis of opposition to your own vote.
Plus, those promises he was making didn't spell out "no new taxes" to the American public; they spelled out "magic" - especially with the challenge he'd have in the Senate to pass all the new measures. Sorry, but a Healthcare plan available for all Americans isn't American at all. It's commie-pinko talk, and we ain't havin' it!
Hail to the Cheef... Cheefe... Cheif... President
So what's Dubya II gonna' look like? Whole new cabinet! CIA shake up, and lots of legislative twists-and-turns! Republican, Democrat or other, it's gearing up to be a grand finish for all to see! Get that Tivo ready for non-stop action on C-Span, C-Span II, and the Fox news (*snicker*) network!
I'm sold. The vote was rocked, you got your "mandate", now let's see some action!
So what happened?
Plus, those promises he was making didn't spell out "no new taxes" to the American public; they spelled out "magic" - especially with the challenge he'd have in the Senate to pass all the new measures. Sorry, but a Healthcare plan available for all Americans isn't American at all. It's commie-pinko talk, and we ain't havin' it!