As the only species that exercises for the sake vanity, we go out of our to
do some pretty weird crap. Seriously, if someone said "I'm going to move
the same weight around for 30 minutes" or "I'm going to run nowhere
and end up right back where I started", wouldn't you think they were wasting
they're time?
And so, gyms and fitness clubs are where this odd behavior is carried out.
Sometimes, the funny nature of exercising for no net gain produces some equally
funny social behaviors, which you should be aware of in order to avoid.
1. It's ok to compliment, but not too much.
"You're really improving" is different than "your quads
are looking good", and even more different than "you look fab-ulous!"
People like compliments, but no one is asking for your critique. Keep that
crap to yourself, Liberace.
2. Yes, that woman is doing squats. Get over it.
Or at least be subtle when you gawk. Otherwise your workout schedule
might have to fit in with her restraining order.
3. If you came for the big mirrors, just buy one for your home... and
stay there.
What the hell is it about vain people that they figure every mirror is
theres? You want to re-enact DeNiro's scene from Taxi Driver, do it in your
own home.
4. Breathing is good, grunting is weird.
Lamaze classes are down the hall, Hecter.
5. We get it. You used to be in shape. Gotcha.
Everytime guys get into a locker room conversation, it almost always
turns to "Yeah, I used to be on the varsity team", "Yeah,
I used to run a 3 minute mile", or "Yeah, I was in great shape
when I left the special Black Knight Gamma Recon Forces in the Army."
Reminiscing is meant to be an ocassional thing,... but obsessing is another
story.
6. Don't sit at a machine and ponder life's mysteries.
What are you, planning your weekend meals? Get off the machine when you're
not using it! Sit on one of the big blue balls if you're tired, or even a
stair stepper. I've got deltoids to blast!
7. Quit it with the lame body building lingo.
"This exercise really blasts your deltoids!" Using the
lingo doesn't make the same exercise any more effective. It makes you sound
like sort of a gym geek.
8. Put a damn towel on, nature boy.
I'm glad you're comfortable with your body, but some of us would rather
not see your grandfather clock when we're talking to you in the locker room.
Don't put a leg up and start chatting to friends while you air dry - put a
towel on, and save your shame for the ladies.
Follow these steps, and you can stil participante in funny gym routines
without being a total social deviant.
