The Only 2006 List You Need

01.03.07

There's all kinds of 2006 compilation lists, but that stuff is usually magazine drivel picked by a bunch of eccentric "Emo" hipsters with thick rimmed glasses and black-turtle neck sweaters. This here's the only 2006 list you'll need, because I actually waited for the year to end before I made it. I even waited 3 days to put it out; I had to make sure this was well judged and not some crap I just typed up at 10 o'clock at night after a few back-to-back Law & Order episodes and a chicken dinner with roasted red potatoes. That'd be just plain irresponsible.

Most Overplayed Song of 2006

While I still have that friggin' Black Eyed Peas song, "Let's get it Started" stuck in my head like a tumor (seriously, could they possibly sell it to any more advertisers?), there can be no doubt the most overplayed song of 2006 was Gnarls Barkley's Crazy.

You know the song: "I remember when, I remember... duh duh duh... " DAMMIT! It's in my head again.

To be fair, I'm not saying it's a bad song; Rolling Stone magazine did that for me by making the song #1 for 2006, and that's the kiss of death. That's what happened to the song "Whip It" back in the 80's, and we can see how well that worked out for that mystery group. ...Who did that friggin' song anyways? Ah, it'll come to me.

Most Overplayed Movie on Basic Cable of 2006

This category shares three winners - Peter Jackson's prized gems (no, not King Kong and King Kong: Unrated version), the Lord of the Rings trilogy. No doubt, the series was an achievement in film making, and is only a few more months of air time from becoming annoying and overly-dramatic. The more I see Frodo's face distraught with that ring, the more I question how much I buy the acting in that movie.

But it was good. Really. Loved Golem. Please don't hack my site.

Biggest Surprise of 2006

The Democratic victory in November was a shocker to a lot of folks, especially the Democrats. In a time when Karl Rove's very existence seems to ensure a prosperous Republican reign of power, it was almost a restoration of faith, in both humanity and the political system, that voters were finally swayed by a 3 year string of scandals, bad defense policy, abysmal budgets, wasteful spending, and general douchebagery. Now it's finally time for Democrats to get corrupted with corporate money and use polar issues to divide the nation for their bidding. Good luck, Speaker Pelosi!

Side note: Can't we find a politician that doesn't make your skin crawl when you look at their picture? Or do you automatically lose your soul in the campaigning process?

Top Sports Moment of 2006

I'm no sports guy (really not a sports guy), so this is entirely biased. The Steelers Superbowl victory on the shoulders of a rookie quarterback was a shock to everyone.

That's about as much sports talk I can offer about that one. I know that a lot of Pittsburghers got drunk that February day,... which really doesn't distinguish that day from any other day in Pittsburgh. People there drink a lot. "A drinking town with a football problem." Makes a cute bumper sticker.

Most Annoying Car of 2006

The Toyota Prius finally bags most annoying car for 2006, taking the place of 2005's Honda Element and 2004's VW Beetle. Although it's technically been in the states for several years, it's owners have really made a name for it this year. While their road persona is no where nearly as worthy of a car bombing as most SUV drivers, there's still something undeniably off and ethereal about hybrid car owners. The University of Denver conducted a study and found that at any given time of day, most Prius owners are listening to Devo (Devo!) on their iPod while fantasizing about moving to Europe. Can't argue with science.

Top Phenomenon of 2006

Patrick Dempsey. Last time I saw him, he was a pizza delivery guy in some 80's movie with Kirstie Alley. Now, he's a "heartthrob?!" I missed a few meetings, I know, but how did this happen so fast? When I heard about Grey's Anatomy, I was figuring it'd fizzle out like a gassy Dawson's Creek. Are we that hard pressed to replace Brad Pitt and George Clooney?

Of course, this is just a repeat of what happened with Paris Hilton. Overnight, she became a miss covergirl in spite of her completely unappealing image and character. To this day, many of us still wonder why we continue to hear her name spoken publicly... which begs the question "What friggin' wavelength are these fashion and social magazine nimrods working on?"

But, I've digressed. Last, but not least...

Most Annoying Device of 2006

The friggn' Blackberry. Where cell phones proved to us just how critical it is that we receive every phone call made to us at any time of day (be it driving, in the bathroom, or during self-circumcision) the Blackberry has proven just how vital it is that we receive Spam mail with the same zero-response time. It's become Lumbergh's replacement for the coffee cup; it's something any office schlep clawing for lower-middle management can finger-fiddle with while they nod through meetings, feigning an image of responsibility.

Until this device comes out in a model that's operated rectally, it will continue to be in my personal top 5 most annoying and needless f--king devices to ever brainwash MBA `tards.

And, with a wink and a tear, three days after it's finale, I bid 2006 - along with it's best and most annoying - a fond farewell. Good-bye Patrick Dempsey, good-bye Gnarls Barkley...

..."Ever since I was little, ever since I was little it looked like fun..." DAMN YOU GNARLS BARKLEY!!!

- GK