Viva Vegas: Part 2

2007.09.24

Vegas Poker

Anna was itching to play some poker the minute we touched down, so we checked out the poker scene at the Luxor. We didn't know any better, so we just assumed tournaments were the way to go. She'd been preparing on the PS2 for months - the time had come to put her Texas Hold'em skills to the test. She paid up for an evening tournament and started playing at her assigned table and seat.

In the meantime, I strolled around the casino killing time at penny and nickel slots (again, I'm cheap). After about 10 minutes of putzing around, I figured I'd check up on her. I walk over to find Anna waiting outside the poker area with a big smile. "That was fun!" She enjoyed the experience, even if it was a painful loss. Nothing ventured...

After learning a thing or two (quickly), she later felt ready to try another tournament the next morning. This time, she made it about halfway through her table before getting bumped out. Again, she enjoyed the game, even though it was a loss.

Of course, on the second to last day in Vegas, she discovers there are normal tables that have limits on how much you can bet. The people are friendly, lots of jovial banter across the tables, and no one losses the deed to their home. Anna made out on these tables - not by a ton, but enough to encourage her to keep trying at poker. She even convinced me to try $20 at the table, which took me well over 2 hours to lose. It was worth it - at least better than losing it on a lousy Vegas attraction or a seat at Carrot Top's show.

Buffet hunt

In the nether regions of Anna's mind was the fond memory of some tropical buffet that was both lavish and cheap. She thought it was at the Tropicana. We go, and as we approach the buffet entrance, my wife's steps chop shorter and shorter until she's halts with a grimace. "This isn't it. This one looks crappy."

I begin to doubt the existence of this mythical "lavish and cheap" buffet. We gave it no more thought and began looking for Plan B: lavish and expensive. A couple of souvenir stand proprietors offered Mandalay Bay as a ritzy suggestion, and five minutes later we were there.

Fan-friggin-tastic. I had scambled-eggs with salmon lox in them. It was the kind of buffet where you sample from 12 different food trays, and your stomach heartily agrees with the combinations. You can't go wrong.

Gone are the days when the $3.00 buffets hosted cornucopias of delicacies (or, as Anna has said, "the buffets are cheap because the casinos make so much money"). You get what you pay for. And, if you're paying less than $6 on your buffet, it's because the one down the strip doesn't season with rat poisoning.

If you don't gamble, you walk.

The Vegas strip stretches over a long boulevard of wildly stimulating sites and sounds. The only way you can appreciate the architecture and design of a casino is to walk through its maze of shops and slot machines. Most of the pretty stuff is where people shop, I imagine because aesthetics aren't at the front of gamblers' minds when they're thinking about card tables.

Because each casino lays out everything specifically to take you on a winding, potentially expensive journey, you walk a lot. When you reach the end of one casino, there's usually a bridge situation that you need to navigate to move to the next place. Roads are wide, so to stop pedestrian traffic from clogging car traffic, Casinos generously provide walkway-bridges for crossing main roads... that just happen to take you through part of their establishments. Once you finally reach the next casino, the walking begins all over again. If you hike from Mandalay Bay to Treasure Island, you're probably hiking a good 3 miles, perhaps not as the crow flies but as the tourist walks.

For guys, this walking isn't that big a deal, but for women who want to dress up nice and purty for their Vegas trip, those 4-inch pumps will kill your feet by the end of your first casino.

Vegas: The Town of Women's Asses

I'm not exactly a conservative guy. I don't part my hair, I don't make it to church every Sunday, and I'll even let a few F-bombs slip when addressing toddlers. It happens.

Still, I was a little taken by the number of women's asses I saw in the first ten minutes of driving along Las Vegas boulevard. Billboards, bus ads, truck-sized motor ads for call girls, taxi-cab ads, casino ads, 30ft LCD screens... that town is rated PG-13 the minute you step foot in it.

Wrap up

Overall, it was kinda like that experience of bringing a kid to the circus... for adults. Like I've repeated, I ain't a gambler, but it was a good time. I'd even do it again if there was a show I wanted to see. If you don't care for gambling, you can park for free in any of the big shot casinos and spend a day just looking at the sights and sounds. Hey, if you're going to do some walking, why not do it where there's odd ball people from all over the globe?

Having said that, I have no interest in returning anytime soon. Once you've seen the big show, you gotta give it some time to change it's act and make it interesting. In another 5 years, Trump and Disney will have their own Casinos. Who knows what levels of creative that'll inspire?

- GK